Patience...what is that?

Um. I don't know that I fully grasp the meaning. That whole saying it idea, well it kinda happened in a roundabout-I-am-so-twelve kinda way. Meaning with a drunken text message. I even slurred while I was writing.

And the idea that I was okay with him not saying it...I lied. Who was I kidding? I am a girl and what do girls do best but overreact especially with something like this. We have been having ongoing subtle (or not so subtle) conversations about this since Thursday. We did the half asleep conversation, then the "did you really say that" conversation, then the drunken conversation, so obviously we needed more of a rational conversation. Or maybe I just like to talk.

{aside-I hate stupid people}

Anyways, so the rational conversation turned girly real quick. My kid spent the evening talking about my ex. Bad. Idea. And of course since Doodle thinks that is the most hilarious thing ever, he proceeds to give me shit all night. Sometimes I can handle it. Last night I couldn't. So I overreacted to his playfulness and we went to talk. I had never told him how bad the relationship with the nutjob was so I decided to let it all out. Tears and all. What a great way to spend the night, huh?

Then he reminds me why he is the perfect man saying all the right things. Validation is great and definitely worked to snap me out of it-a little. Then he asks me if that was all that was wrong. I mutter no and spew out that I am not liking this whole one sided feeling thing. It frankly just sucks ass. And again with all the right things.

He says he could say it since it is just words to him but that wouldn't be honest. I thank him and tell him I don't want him to say it unless he means it. Then he reminds me that actions should speak louder than words and clearly his actions are saying a lot about what he feels...just that he isn't quite all the way there yet. He tells me it's really hard to let someone in after what he has gone through. He reminds me about all the great things that he never did for the ex-wife like opening doors, talking to me on the phone even though he really doesn't like the phone, and the fact that he has never been comfortable in the same bed with anyone-even her. But he is with me. I guess that counts for something.

And he told me that even though he couldn't give me the words I wanted to hear, he could honestly say that he likes me and I am definitely wearing him down. And tomorrow when I call, he will still answer.

For now, I'll take it. And even try to freak out a little less. Maybe.