Rage

Being on Cloud Doodle has done pretty well in keeping my sanity. But I am slowly starting to feel it slip away. Between work, the impeding family attack, my birthday, and my kid being daddified I think I may just lose it.

Right now, I am so tired of people I would seriously trade this job with something-really anything-off of the show 'Dirty jobs'. If you have never seen it, you may not want to. Unless you have a couple of bottles of wine. For some reason, the show is amazing then. Especially when you don't like wine. I would even do the chicken poop shooting job right now (it's actually called chick sexer). Atleast I would be handling cute little chicks all day-even if there was shit all over. Then it really would be getting paid for doing a shitty job.

The family attack kinda blends right along with the birthday thing. My mother is coming to town. I love my mother so that is great. However, the fact that all my family will want to see my mother will be a problem. If you don't have a family like mine, you wouldn't understand. And I don't honestly don't think there is another like mine. Let's start at the top and meet all the players:

*Grandma and Grandpa-divorced for longer than I have been alive. Yet both still attend all family functions. Grandma has had a boyfriend before but it is clear grandpa still loves grandma.

*Aunt 1-this is the smart who got while the gettin' was good. She got married at 18 and moved away. First to Idaho and apparently that was too close. She now lives in Tennessee with her two kids (16 and 14). The 16 year old is a mini-me-but smarter.

*Mom-we have this issue the therapists like to call "co-dependecy". My mom is a prime example of it. Hence my slack ass sister will be moving back with her. Clearly the co-depency is also genetic as I speak to my mother atleast once a day. Sometimes more. She also had my sister who is a 24 year old child. We don't need to get into how ridiculous she is. We all now.

*Aunt 2-this is the one I live with. I am her mini-me and she is a lifesaver. I don't know what I would do if she didn't move back up here. Well, yes I do. I would very likely still be dating the nutjob, defending my child's skin tone, losing my voice because of all the yelling or sitting in my room as a horribly depressed shell of myself. All this would be happening while his ex sleeps on the couch.

*Aunt 3-this is the one married to the 600+lb man. She has self esteem issues which sometimes flare up at family functions. And she brings this man with her who generally treats her like crap. For the first time in 6 years, she got roses from him last month. This is the only gift she has ever been given from him. Nothing for birthdays, Christmas, anniversary, etc. Not only that but he is not capable of taking care of himself and is just generally not respectful. You know that creepy guy who doesn't understand that there is a time and a place for everything? Such as grabbing boobs? He doesn't quite grasp that Easter is not the time to honk my aunt's girls.

Now for the uncles:
*Uncle 1-This one is a tow truck driver. The baby-daddy was a tow truck driver. The whole profession makes my skin crawl. And this uncle is the one known for borrowing money and never returning it. He also has the common law wife who is seriously whacked out. She is a hypochondriach. This week she is diabetic, last week it was depression, I am pretty sure at some point she had ulcers. But I suppose you can't really blame her-her parents name her and her identical twin Rita Jean and Rena Joan. I couldn't make that up if I tried.

*Uncle 2-This one is also a tow truck driver. See above for full explanation of problems with that. And an undercover drug addict. And has done some other shady things that are just not appropriate to discuss.

*Uncle 3-This one is also a truck driver. Yep, all of them. For the same company. They all smell like dirty and grease. And come to family functions wearing said dirt and grease. Ew. He used to be a plain old truck driver and decided to convert to a nasty tow truck driver. This one is also only 5 years older than me. That would be younger than my boyfriend. By a lot.

Converge all this together, plus cousins, mix in a few extra's (my family unofficially adopts lots of people) and you have about 30 smelly, loud, dirt wearing, cup shaking, "stop doing that" people. All in my house-we even have to re-arrange the furniture to fit everyone in for said invasions. And when they leave, there will be grease stains on my floor. Damn.

And did I mention this will be Doodle's first meeting of my mother? Uh-huh. It's a good thing he is not a jackass. I don't think my mother would ever let me date again if he was.


Then there is my kid. I miss the little snot. All the kisses. And I love you's. I even miss his non-stop chatter. LOTS of chatter. Maybe that is why I am having such issues with being at work now. With my child gone, I don't have any reason to deal with this crap. My child is being fed and housed by someone else. I don't have to find a babysitter. I have no responsibilities. I could just go on vacation (but I won't). But bottom line is, I miss my kid.

Now, now. Don't get carried away or anything. I am so not getting him back from the daddy yet. It is just strange to not have the little booger around me all the time. And don't say anything, but I kinda miss the word "mommy".