Catty Chicks

So, I have this friend. We have a very longtime history of being the cattiest bitches around. Clearly, adulthood has not changed that.

Two months ago, I finally got fed up with being looked down upon by her husband. Multiple reasons have led me to believe this was true stemming back almost as far as my friendship with her. I have known her husband about two years less than I have known her. We had many conversations back in high school about his opinions of me and my situation. My mother was a single parent, we had no father figure around and we didn't go to church. All of these things were cardinal sins to him with his married for 20 some years parents, attend private Christian school upbringing. We discussed how he felt it was just not okay for a single parent to exist. There should always be two parents and woman should never choose a man and get pregnant with their child if they weren't married and didn't plan on staying that way. As much as I explained to him that while his concept was great, that simply was not reality. I can't imagine what would have happened or what would have become of me had my mother married my father. I don't know him but what I know OF him is the farthest thing I want to be. And my sister's father? Let's just say he won't be earning any father of the year awards anytime soon, like ever. And he has had multiple chances/children (6) to learn.

Now back closer to the present. 7 years ago, I started dating a man (the friend and her husband were not even together at this time) who I would like to say I never should have been with. But I was, and I don't regret it. Then I got pregnant. I knew even before we broke up I would be a single parent. His parenting skills were definitely not anything to be proud of. I do not regret my decision to have my son and I never will. But as expected, my decision to become a single parent became reality before my child was even born.

The friend's husband does not accept this. In fact, he looks down on me for my choices. I am not one of those single parents who takes handouts easily (for the two months I was on state assistance, I didn't want to be. I returned to work after my two months maternity leave. The people at the assistance office tried to convince me to stay OUT of work longer to bond longer with the baby. Which is fine and good for some people-just not stubborn ones who want to work because they feel it sets a better example for their kids. And my son is plenty bonded, thank you very much.). The simple fact that I am a single parent alone immediately makes him better than me. I am not okay with this.

I sent the friend a message two months ago explaining how I felt (after hearing that he was complaing that I would be bringing my child to a superbowl party that I was invited to a minimum of 10 times). I thought that after 13 years of friendship, we could discuss this as adults. I was wrong. She got offended and had me speak with her husband, which I had no problems doing. I explained my feelings, how I didn't see why he was concerning himself with my choices as it literally affected him in no way. He then explained to me that he really didn't have an issue with my being a single parent (cough-cough-bullshit-cough), rather that he just plain doesn't like children. I let him know that I am okay with that, he just needs to understand that me and my child come as a package. He will always be a part of me. And if he would like to do something, his wife is aware of which weekends I don't have my child. The other weekends he just needs to expect that we come together. And he also needs to understand that if my child is around and starts to act unacceptable (as another friends child does), I will take care of it. Period. So, we talked and made up. Came to understanding. All is done, right? Wrong.

She hasn't spoken to me (more than a sentence in email) for two months. Yes, two. A month ago I sent her a message asking if we were alright. Apparently the answer was no. I wrote back that I understood her feelings. She then waited another month before responding today.

Now comes the cattiness. I want to be the bitch. I don't want to be the bigger person. In her email she wrote "I forgive you". Excuse me? For what??? Explaining how I feel? Making her husband aware of a problem I have? Trying to be the adult? I am really at the point where I just don't care. For years we would argue over something, not speak awhile, then she would come back and things would be fine. Can this really be called a "good" friendship when you can't even discuss things?

This is just not healthy. And I think I need to stop it. Now comes to the point of how. For all these months, I have been right. I have not been the one being petty and holding onto things. Now I think the damage is just too far done. My life was drama free. Then I was (and am) happy with my life and how things were. I found a man who makes me happy. I love my kid to itty bitty pieces. Why should I have to deal with this kind of madness? Is this kind of friendship really worth all the trouble? Or am I just overreacting?

I know this affects all of my friends but at what point is it okay for me to just think about what is best for me?