The Talk.

Yup. We had it. Not nearly as traumatizing as I thought. For me I mean.

I asked some other parents for a book since the kid is an inquisitive one and he really likes books. They all recommended this one. I picked it up and decided I would give it to him on the way home.

Me: You know how you keep asking where babies come from?

Kid: Uh-huh.

Me: I got you a book so we could talk about it.

Kid: Oooh! Can I read it?? Can I read it now?? Pleeeease mommy, can I have it?

Me: Okay kid. Here is the book. If you have any questions, you can ask and we will talk about again when we get home.

Kid: Okay! Ooh, the baby comes from the bird and the kitty and the man and the hospital. [flips page] EWWWWWW! That's gross!!! Why are they naked? They should have some clothes on!!!

Me: No kid. Sometimes it's okay. The book is just trying to show you how man and woman are different.

Kid: Oh! You mean like those things you have? The ones above your belly that I am not supposed to touch?

Me: Yeah, just like those.

Kid: OH! I got it! I know how I got here! You decided you wanted a boy and told the doctor. I got in your belly and the doctor told you I was a boy. The you said, hmm, I have to think of a really good name for him. Then you said I know, I will call him mommy! HAHAHAHA [actually says haha and slaps his knee]. No, that's goofy. Then you say hmmm, I will call him chicken. HAHAHAHA [again, saying haha. He really thinks he is hilarious]. I am a silly mom. Then you say oh! I know! I will call him Nikolas. Right? Yeah, I remember that day. It was a Tuesday.

We keep driving and then he says:

Kid: I know how the man and woman kiss.

Me: Really, how is that?

Kid: The woman kisses the man with those things above her belly.

Me: No kid, that isn't true. A woman kisses a man just the same-with their lips.

Kid: Oh, well then what are they for?

Me: When you are a baby and you have no teeth, you drink milk and those things make milk for the baby.

Kid: No, the baby just needs to eat baby food.

Me: Not at first. At first the baby has to have milk.

Kid: Oh, okay. Does the man touch those things?

Me: Sometimes a grown up man does. But none of this happens until you are a grown up.

Kid: I don't wanna be a grown up! Please don't make me mommy! Pleeeeeease, Pleeeeeease, Pleeeeeease!

Me: Well, you want to go to work right? You can't go to work unless you are a grown up.

Kid: Oh, okay. Do we have to give the book back?

Me: No. It's yours. I bought it for you.

Kid: Cool! So if I ever forget where babies come from I can look at my book right?

Me: Yup.

Almost home. I have just about survived phase 1 of the talk. I let him play a little bit and tell him alright, it's time to read the book. So we sit together and read it. He tells me he really likes the part where they are laying together and there is hearts above their heads. He is all kinds of intrigued with the fact that it takes 9 months for the baby to get here. He looks at the pictures and takes notice of how the baby starts really tiny and ends up getting here looking like a baby. I think he's got it. So I ask him.

Me: So kid, where do babies come from?

Kid: Well, they are in the mommy's belly for 9 months and then they come out the mommy's butt.

Me: Well, you are close but not quite. You know how the pictures showed us how men and women have different parts?

Kid: Yeah...

Me: Well, the baby comes from the mommy part.

Kid: No way. It's too small. A baby won't fit through there.

Me: Yup. It does.

Kid: Oh, okay. Can I go outside?

I am so glad it wasn't raining yesterday. And I can not believe my child is old enough for me to have a conversation like this. I swear, he was just this little 6 pound blob with too much hair! For the first three months, he wouldn't go to sleep unless he was laying on my chest. Now he is asking how the blobs get here? I would like to say I'm not ready for it but I guess I don't really have a choice. Just like he doesn't want to grow up, as much as I complain, I would almost be okay with him never being a grown up. I said almost.

Besides, he can't be too close to growing up yet. When I took a nap yesterday he still climbed up and rested his head on my chest.