My Move

So, since I haven't been around a lot, I figured maybe it was time to update this. I have exactly 10 minutes so ignore anything that makes no sense. Ready...set...go!

Things I like:
-Not being cranky.
-Not needing a nap due to emotional exhaustion.
-Not having to tell anyone when I have to go to the bathroom.
-Not being up before the sun. Well, not feeling like it is before the sun.
-Getting parking and not taking the shuttle like I thought I would have to. And I have to walk right past Doodle's work so I can visit.
-Not being bored.
-Feeling like I am finally learning something instead of just sitting still. Forever.
-Having to get off my lazy behind and walk forever since I am in the opposite corner of, oh, EVERYTHING.

Things I don't like:
-I think they forgot to update this part of the building. Like, ever.
-Wooden stairs. Yes, I said wooden stairs. They are in the fire escape. Are we seeing a problem with this? Wood + fire=bad.
-Everything creaks and squeeks. And when the helicopters were swarming the last couple of days, I thought they might land on my head.
-Talking about food. All. Day. Long.
-People who understand my randomness. I'm sure they will up here eventually but I am not letting them see it yet.
-The smell of AGF in the morning. There is no good smelling boys up here.

So, I miss you guys. But not the job. See you at lunch, kay?

Progress

This weekend I spent a lot of time with Doodle, his boys, and the kid. We spent 5 hours at the zoo on Saturday and a couple of hours shopping at Costco on Sunday.

The zoo was great. Lots of animals-including the boys. We brought our lunch and first thing sat down to eat. Doodle had packed some chicken, salad fixings, and fruit since he knows and supports my attempts at ass shrinkage. We walked around for awhile but still didn't see everything. There was however lots of "I want to see this! Lets go here! But I didn't do it!" and just about every other phrase that I irritated my mother with as a child. There was a point when I was about to hunt down a zoo keeper for a tranquilizer. For me. The insanity of 3 (4 if you count Doodle) boys was a lot to deal with. I am still not quite used to being surrounded by boys as my family is predominately female. We decided it was time to pack it up as the complaints started to get louder "I'm thiiiiirsty. My legs hurt. My feet hurt..."

When we got back to Doodle's house, he cleaned out the pool and set the boys up so they could attack each other with water guns. I knew I had missed him last week (he had the boys all week so I only saw him on Monday) but didn't realize how much until I saw him again. We all sat down, had dinner and the boys were watching a movie. I was standing in the kitchen cuddling him. He looks down and me and says "I could get used to this". He has said that before but he had a different look in his eyes this time. Then he says, "I could even see the possibility of m-m-marriage".

This is a first. He has made it no secret from the beginning that he was very hurt by his first marriage and had no intent to try again. I knowingly stayed with him since I had no idea our relationship would turn into this. He is completely opposite of my "dream" guy-or so I thought. I imagined I would be with this extremely intelligent lawyer type guy. Someone who worked a lot and would provide for me everything I demanded (and I would demand it). Someone who went to work in business suits. And definitely someone who was not a hairy man.

Doodle is not that at all. He is intelligent, but in different ways. He is smart in saving his money, preparing outings, and making the most of his time with his kids. He is smart in the little things, like knowing which salad dressing I like and how my coffee should be made in the morning. He is throwing a suprise party for my son. He is completely not the lawyer type. He works on arcade games. He moves pool tables. His choice of clothing is shorts, a wife beater, a t-shirt and tennis shoes. And he will be the first to call himself gorilla man.

As it turns out, I am happier with him than I thought possible. All those sappy things you hear about, that's me. I am one of those obnoxiously in love people. I am okay with it.

And apparently his boys are not as bothered by it as we thought they would be either. Like I said, I missed him so the affection was running amuck. I had told Doodle earlier that I would try to keep the kisses to a minimum around the boys. He asked me why and said he didn't think that it was a bad thing for them to see two people who love each other being affectionate. As we were walking through Costco, the boys--his boys--could be heard saying "Okay, then we could have a little brother. And two moms. And two dads. That wouldn't be bad..."

The Talk.

Yup. We had it. Not nearly as traumatizing as I thought. For me I mean.

I asked some other parents for a book since the kid is an inquisitive one and he really likes books. They all recommended this one. I picked it up and decided I would give it to him on the way home.

Me: You know how you keep asking where babies come from?

Kid: Uh-huh.

Me: I got you a book so we could talk about it.

Kid: Oooh! Can I read it?? Can I read it now?? Pleeeease mommy, can I have it?

Me: Okay kid. Here is the book. If you have any questions, you can ask and we will talk about again when we get home.

Kid: Okay! Ooh, the baby comes from the bird and the kitty and the man and the hospital. [flips page] EWWWWWW! That's gross!!! Why are they naked? They should have some clothes on!!!

Me: No kid. Sometimes it's okay. The book is just trying to show you how man and woman are different.

Kid: Oh! You mean like those things you have? The ones above your belly that I am not supposed to touch?

Me: Yeah, just like those.

Kid: OH! I got it! I know how I got here! You decided you wanted a boy and told the doctor. I got in your belly and the doctor told you I was a boy. The you said, hmm, I have to think of a really good name for him. Then you said I know, I will call him mommy! HAHAHAHA [actually says haha and slaps his knee]. No, that's goofy. Then you say hmmm, I will call him chicken. HAHAHAHA [again, saying haha. He really thinks he is hilarious]. I am a silly mom. Then you say oh! I know! I will call him Nikolas. Right? Yeah, I remember that day. It was a Tuesday.

We keep driving and then he says:

Kid: I know how the man and woman kiss.

Me: Really, how is that?

Kid: The woman kisses the man with those things above her belly.

Me: No kid, that isn't true. A woman kisses a man just the same-with their lips.

Kid: Oh, well then what are they for?

Me: When you are a baby and you have no teeth, you drink milk and those things make milk for the baby.

Kid: No, the baby just needs to eat baby food.

Me: Not at first. At first the baby has to have milk.

Kid: Oh, okay. Does the man touch those things?

Me: Sometimes a grown up man does. But none of this happens until you are a grown up.

Kid: I don't wanna be a grown up! Please don't make me mommy! Pleeeeeease, Pleeeeeease, Pleeeeeease!

Me: Well, you want to go to work right? You can't go to work unless you are a grown up.

Kid: Oh, okay. Do we have to give the book back?

Me: No. It's yours. I bought it for you.

Kid: Cool! So if I ever forget where babies come from I can look at my book right?

Me: Yup.

Almost home. I have just about survived phase 1 of the talk. I let him play a little bit and tell him alright, it's time to read the book. So we sit together and read it. He tells me he really likes the part where they are laying together and there is hearts above their heads. He is all kinds of intrigued with the fact that it takes 9 months for the baby to get here. He looks at the pictures and takes notice of how the baby starts really tiny and ends up getting here looking like a baby. I think he's got it. So I ask him.

Me: So kid, where do babies come from?

Kid: Well, they are in the mommy's belly for 9 months and then they come out the mommy's butt.

Me: Well, you are close but not quite. You know how the pictures showed us how men and women have different parts?

Kid: Yeah...

Me: Well, the baby comes from the mommy part.

Kid: No way. It's too small. A baby won't fit through there.

Me: Yup. It does.

Kid: Oh, okay. Can I go outside?

I am so glad it wasn't raining yesterday. And I can not believe my child is old enough for me to have a conversation like this. I swear, he was just this little 6 pound blob with too much hair! For the first three months, he wouldn't go to sleep unless he was laying on my chest. Now he is asking how the blobs get here? I would like to say I'm not ready for it but I guess I don't really have a choice. Just like he doesn't want to grow up, as much as I complain, I would almost be okay with him never being a grown up. I said almost.

Besides, he can't be too close to growing up yet. When I took a nap yesterday he still climbed up and rested his head on my chest.

Ode to the Laughing Cow

Oh, sweet little cheese triangle. How you make me happy.
Only 35 itty bitty calories. 1 Point People!
With all your garlic and herby goodness.
Yummy.

But you, dear cheese, stick to the crinkles in the foil.
I want every drop of the calories but you just won't let go.
I want to lick you but that would be wrong.
I think.

And the cracker? Why must you require crackers?
I just can't resist.
Except I only brought one wedge.
Sniff.

How I love you dear Laughing Cow Light Creamy Garlic and Herb Spreadable Wedge.

Now that my kid is back...

I have stories about how freakin adorable he is again. And since he hasn't been back long, I don't have any of the terror stories yet. Give it a day.

Yesterday as we were driving home from summer camp, the kid asks me what day it is. I tell him Tuesday. He says no, what number. I tell him August 1st. He promptly starts singing, "It's almost my biiir-thday. It's almost my biiir-thday." Then abruptly stops-"It is almost my birthday right mom?" I tell him yes and he continues singing.

I ask him what he wants for dinner on his birthday. He says, "hmmm, let me think [tapping his finger on his chin and looking up to the ceiling]...I want cheeseburgers and pizza-with no begetables". He still can't say vegetable right and it is so cute I don't correct him. I know, bad mom. Anyway, I tell him he has to pick one.

Kid: "Cheeseburger"
Me: "Are you sure?"
Kid: "No, pizza"
Me: "Are you sure?"
Kid: "Uh-huh"

I tell him I am hanging out with him all day on his birthday so I ask what he wants for breakfast. "Ummmm, something delicious...scrambled eggs and waffles." I ask him what he wants for lunch. Cheeseburgers. Bye diet. It was nice knowing you...


And in non food related stories, my phone went MIA yesterday. I am a little attached to my phone. Okay, that's not true. I am obsessively attached to my phone. I sent the kid into the bathroom so that he could take his shower. He comes out of the bathroom, naked, with his hand and my pink phone covering the front and his other hand attempting to cover his booty. He says, "Here mom, I found your phone."

Things I won't miss about this job...

I have been offered a position in accounts receivable with the Coffee Giant. I start on August 14th. After 3 1/2 years, I am finally getting out of this black pit we refer to as CR. Someone is giving me the chance to do more than apologize without meaning it and giving away the company's money all in the name of customer service. So, here are the things I will gladly be passing on to some other poor soul.

1. I'm sorry maam. There is nothing more we can do for you.
2. Maam, you sent in 8 year old mugs. It is ceramic. They break. There is nothing more we can do for you.
3. You hit a stationary object. There is nothing more we can do for you.
4. Cheeks hurting from all the fake smiling while on the phone. They can't even see the damn smile.
5. Stalkers.
6. Repeating myself over and over. And over again.
7. A 4x6 space for all my crap. I have a lot of crap. Although I am not gonna get too excited because I may just be moving to another 4x6 space.
8. Getting stuck by a train when you have exactly 3 minutes to get to work. And the sun isn't even up.
9. Not being allowed to take time off because 1 other person already has. And then the powers that be let two other people off.
10. The first call of the morning being a big fat whiner. "You shouldn't sell a cup as spill proof for kids if it isn't." It's spill resistant dummy.
11. Finally, taking a shower half asleep and forgetting to rinse out the conditioner. Again.