Getting Settled

Do you ever just have those feelings that something is just not right? You have no idea what it is there is just...something. And no matter how hard you try to shake it, it just can't be done.

I had a day like that. Saturday. I woke up, and just didn't know what was wrong with me. I had no sniffles. My head was fine. I hadn't drank anything the night before so that wasn't it. I should have felt fine. We had big plans with Doodle and the boys. We were all going to the aquarium in the morning, then off to the drive-in that night. All 5 of us. Doodle got to my house, we took care of some household things and he watched all the boys while I went shopping (what a man...). I got back and we headed to his house.

But he could tell that something was up. He asked me if I was gonna have another freakout. I told him maybe. He asked if it was because of all the boys. I told him I didn't think so but I would atleast wait until they were gone before it happened. But I didn't have to. Apparently we all needed to have a freakout.

The kid and the middle kid had been bickering and fighting all day. The middle kid antagonizes the kid. The kid makes a big deal out of nothing. Both boys want to be in charge. Finally, we hit my last straw. The middle kid smeared off the kids face paint (the had a face painter at the aquarium). I had had it. Apparently so had Doodle.

When we got to his house, we all sat down. Doodle said we would go our way for the day and they would go theirs. Then we all talked. Doodle told the boys we were all hanging out together because I liked him and he liked me. He wanted us all to be a family but they were making this very difficult and we had just about had it. He asked all of them if they wanted us all to be a family or if we should all just go our seperate ways. They all emphatically agreed we should be a family. The boys (minus the kid) we all crying. Doodle asked them if they thought the kid was going to replace them. They shyly said yes. He told them that just as he loves both of them differently, he loves them equally. And that's how he would love the kid. Differently but equally. He would never love any of them anymore than the other. No matter what. And if they had something to say, they could talk to him. And them the kid raises his hand to say something (the whole time he is sitting right next to me with his arm around my shoulder. He doesn't like a crying mama). He tells the boys they can talk to his mom too. I am so proud of that child.

We all finish up our talk then go to clean the playroom. As a family.

Later that night, we all went to the drive-in. We all packed into the back of the big truck to watch the movie together. Me and Doodle in the back, the boys and all the blankets piled around us. And at that moment, something finally settled in me. I don't really know how to explain it except that everything just felt...right. I felt like right there was where I belonged. Completely. I was a part of this. I was a part of all these boys. And I felt like this is exactly what I wanted for the rest of my life. I have said before that I wanted to marry Doodle. But at that moment I realized that I not only wanted him, I wanted his family. Our family.